A 24-year-old woman has shared her tips on organising an arranged marriage on Facebook – and her post went viral and has been shared more than 2,000 times.
Nazreen Fazal, who is originally from India but now lives in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, with her husband Ameen, said she was thorough with her prospective groom from the onset.
She wrote online: “When I was first introduced to my husband, I sent him a two page profile of myself by email. On one page was ‘who I am’ and on the next was what I am looking for in a partner.
“In return he sent me three points about himself and asked me three straightforward questions.”
The two then exchanged around 80 emails over the course of one week.
“We weren’t flirting or indulging in small talk. These were serious back and forth discussions about our priorities in life, where we see ourselves in a few years, our expectations of a partner etc,” she wrote.
Nazreen, a London School of Economics graduate, “bombarded” Ameen with questions about women working, abuse and whether he wants to have children.
It took them two months, numerous Skype calls and a meeting to “seal the deal”.
Nazreen said the in-depth research was crucial to see if they are compatible – and the hard work paid off.
“This introduction set the tone of our relationship. I am the crazy one all over the place, and he is my rock, without whom I’d be adrift,” she said.
“On my part, I ensure we have a bit of fun too in the series of chores and bills that is life. He jokes that I am the PRO of our marriage, the one who is the face of our marriage and ensures we are maintaining the ties.
“In our marriage I find that we perfectly complement each other’s flaws and goodnesses.”
She warns other young people to spend time finding the right partner and not solely rely on family recommendations.
“In some cases it’s worse, the people who are supposed to get married never meet before the wedding day!” she said.
“The parents meet the prospective son/daughter in law and decide on behalf of their child. What sense does this make? You are going to live with your husband/wife NOT your mother in law.”
Concluding the post she advised: “For those who are currently in the phase of looking for a partner. Please take this seriously. Forget about a deadline or what people will say.
“The very same people who taunt you for being single will turn their backs on you when you have a problem in your marriage. So ignore the ‘wedding’ and think about the ‘marriage’.
“Remember that the partner you choose will affect every sphere of your life, emotional, spiritual, professional, and even physical.”
She added: “While no two people can have the exact same tastes and outlook, it is ABSOLUTELY VITAL that you are on the same page when it comes to the BIG THINGS- Career/Finance/Children.
“The whole point of deal breakers is that they should be known before the deal is fixed, not after it is broken. Don’t tie your own noose because you have people breathing down your neck.”
The post, which has been liked more than 10,000 times, has resonated with a lot of people.
“So beautiful and well written,” said Sadia Sultana, while Syed Asad Abbas Naqvi said perhaps it can “save” some from “somebody who is not familiar/compatible”.
Others, however, felt her post didn’t cover everything.
Haris Aziz wrote: “No matter how many questions you ask your significant other, and no matter whatever concerns you, at the end of the day, marriage is still a big risk.”
Most marriages in India are arranged – some estimates range up to 90% or higher, according to Statistic Brain.
Narzeen told BBC that her advice is also applicable to those not involved in arranged marriages.
“The divorce rate is quite high in cultures where people meet their own spouses,” she said.
“I think part of the reason is not being aware of each others’ priorities and deal breakers.
“Of course people change over the years, but there are some things that remain important to them. We take so much time to make other decisions in life – selecting a university or investing in a business. I think we must extend that kind of research and thought into our romantic relationships too.”
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